Adventuring 2
The adventurers were wandering home, late one night,
When a figure stepped out, said 'Listen to my plight:
'Now I'm an old man, yes it's true, or I would go myself,
'Upon the path I'll set for you - but I will give you wealth.
'Now I've got a sword, needs rescuing, from the clutches of the night,
'And I hope you like adventuring, because you're in for a fight.'
Chorus 1:
And the Thief and the Elf and the rest as well, prepared to battle into hell,
Its funny what a little gold will do to you,
And the Mage and the Ranger didn't care, all they wanted was an equal share,
Its funny what a little gold will do to you.
'My sword it was my father's, he was a hero like you,
'And to get it back, from Castle Black, I'll tell you what to do:
Fight your way through trials brave defeat the ogre tall.
'Destroy the witch who keeps him fed and enter to the hall.
'Once you're in, make your way through, down to the dungeons deep,
'Any gold you find along the way, what you can carry, you can keep!'
Chorus 1.
He led us down a country lane, towards that Castle Black,
And then we saw a Goblin horde, the Ranger yelled 'Attack!'
Swords of steel flashed from their sheaths and arrows notched to bows,
(Except the Mage, who botched his spell and conjured a nice rose).
The Thief he screamed aloud and then he fell down to his knees,
The Elf stood there, took careful aim and shot a threatening tree.
Chorus 2.
And the Thief and the Elf and the rest as well, they prepared to run like hell,
Its funny what a Goblin Horde will do to you,
And the Mage and the Ranger didn't care, all they wanted was an equal share,
Its funny what a little gold will do to you.
The old man, well he sighed and he said to himself,
'Just this once, I'll help 'em out - but it is my last spell.'
He muttered low and waved his hands, the night grew bright as day,
As a fireball destroyed the horde and put an end to the fray.
After all the smoke had cleared the Ranger then appeared,
'How the hell did I do that? I think I've singed me beard!'
Chorus 3.
And the Thief and the Elf and the Mage as well, thought charred goblin made an awful smell (altered line)
Its funny what a fireball will do to you,
Well the Ranger didn't really care, all he wanted was his facial hair,
Its funny what a little gold will do to you.
Well they reached the castle and they stood outside the gates,
The Thief took out his grappling hook, said 'We won't have long to wait'
He heaved the hook up to the wall and then let out a gasp:
For the rope had caught his ankle and so he followed it up fast.
The poor Thief cleared the battlements, and from inside came a din,
And the Mage, unconcerned, said 'Hurry up, let us in!'
Chorus 1.
The Thief he opened up the gates the others went right through,
The old man said 'I can't go in, but I'll wait here for you.'
With weapons drawn and baited breath, they slipped into the hall,
But then the Thief spied the golden shield, hanging on the wall,
With greed shining in his eyes he tried to lift it down,
But made of gold it weighed a ton and pinned him to the ground.
Chorus 4
And the Mage and the Elf and the rest as well, heard the clang and the muffled yell,
Its funny what a golden shield will do to you,
But the Ranger didn't care, said 'It's his own fault - leave him there!'
Its funny what a little gold will do to you.
Eventually they freed the Thief from underneath the shield,
But then they heard a booming voice say 'You lot are my next meal.'
For standing there with his chest bare, there was the ogre tall,
The Elf, his head within his hands, moaned 'This is not good at all.'
The Ranger slapped the Thief and said 'The blame is all on you!'
'Oh No! Oh Gods!' the Mage, he cried, 'Now what do we do?'
Chorus 1
The Thief said 'Well, it's all my fault, but he seems a trifle dim,
'So I'll be the bait for the cunning trap that we will set for him,
I'll let him chase me round the hall till he's in the right spot,
'Then one of you can cut that rope and let the candelabra drop.'
The plan worked well the ogre fell, candles all about,
They set the whole damn place alight - now they gotta get out!
Chorus 5
And the Thief and the Elf and the rest as well, prepared to flee the flames of hell
Its funny what a bit of gold will do to you
And the Mage and the Ranger didn't care, all they wanted was outta there!
Its funny what a little gold will do to you
So they headed back the way they came, but they just couldn't leave
Because the witch was standing there and she didn't look too pleased
She screamed "You've killed my ogre and you've burnt my home as well
Now I'm gonna make you pay!" and then she cast a spell
She waved her hands around a bit, and straightened her black hat
And instantly the lot of them were all turned into rats
Chorus 6
And the Thief and the Elf and the rest as well, squeaked because they couldn't yell
Its funny what an evil witch can do to you
And the Mage and the Ranger didn't care, as long as she had cheese to spare!
Its funny what a little gold will do to you
Well the witch just stood there cackling, the way that witches do
While the rat that used to be an elf squeaked "I've got news for you
You might think that was clever, but it's a mistake you've made
Don't you know that rodents almost always carry plague?"
And the witch started to sneeze and cough and got an aching head
And within a minute and a half she collapsed and fell down dead.
Chorus 7
And the Thief and the Elf and the rest as well, were released from her evil spell
Its funny what bubonic plague can do for you
And the Mage and the Ranger didn't care, now they had skin instead of hair.
Its funny what a little gold will do to you
By now the fire had blocked the door, there was just one way to go
So they ran down a flight of stairs to the dungeons far below
They tiptoed through a tunnel that was damp and dark and cold
And they walked for hours and hours, but they didn't find no gold.
The Ranger starting whining, and complaining he was bored
Then they went around a corner and they saw the magic sword.
Chorus 1
Then the party saw a sight that brought a grin to every face
For there were huge piles of gold scattered all over the place
But when they went to get the sword, they found it weighed a lot
To lift it took the party every bit of strength they'd got
It would be impossible to get back to the hall
Carrying the sword as well as any gold at all.
Chorus 1
All Works are © Original Author
(OC Author - Jez Lawrence)