A Dwarf Named Chuck (polite version)
(to the cadence of Johnny Cash's 'A Boy Named Sue)
I’ll tell you now, with a bit of luck
The epic story of a dwarf named Chuck,
A dwarf about as wide as he was tall.
Now he could brawl, and he could fight,
And I tell you now, he had the might,
When he was wounded, to still defend Borthawr’s Halls.
Some say he fought his way out of Annwn,
And some say he punched his way out of the womb,
Not born here, but making his own way onto this plane.
Now all’s I can say, with some certainty,
Is he improved the egg, for you and me,
Through blood and sweat and killing and toil and pain.
He fought the fae and made them cry,
In ancient wars of times gone by
And plundered riches, beyond his Dwarven dreams!
And when he was grey, and he was old,
He returned to The Hold
In full glory, still ready to mine some seams.
Now not long after, the ground started shaking,
And the world looked to be breaking!
And void gates appeared, bringing trouble and strife!
And you could hear Chuck a-screamin’
In full blown RAGE against those demons,
Invading on our gold, our beer, our plane and our lives.
He gave them all one mess of a fight,
In fact, he slew three armies by the end of the night,
Until a fourth general appeared, tougher than those previously slain!
And Chuck squared up to this demon, and yelled into the night
Something quite appropriate! As he took flight,
Intending to send that demon back to where it had came.
This is unfortunate, it’s said,
Because that demon dropped and fled
And Chuck chased him, through, into the void!
But this was Chuck, all mean and bold
And he slew that demon, and his army it’s told,
And Chuck didn’t die; Chuck was just simply annoyed.
And it’s been said by all, that Dwarf had... fortitude,
Despite being as wide as he was tall
And this is the way that we should strive to be.
And it has been said, that Dwarf’s still not dead
And he is simply just ahead
In the killing stakes when it comes to Entropy.
Because if you yell “Ka kaw! Ka Kaw!”
Into a void gate’s gaping maw
You may hear “tookie, tookie, tookie!” in reply still.
And if you don’t, which is sometimes the case,
He’s just killing a demon, IN THE FACE,
Because Chuck’s the Dwarf the void just couldn’t kill.
All Works are © Original Author
(OC Author - Lorraine McKee)