No Sex! It Only Leads to Trouble
If you need some Rumpy-Pumpy in the hay,
Don't go, it might ruin your day
If you don't know where she's been
And you do something obscene
You might find your bits shrivel away
If you are ever propositioned by a maid
Who blushes red and offers a place to stay
Think twice before you accept
You might get your tackle wrecked
And all for the price of getting laid
If you try to help a friend dip his wick
With a lady you've known only for a tick
Be sure to check her out
Cos if she gives your friend a clout
He won't be able to beat his rythm stick (sorry Jeremiah!)
If you ever want to have a nuddy-prod
With a girl, a boy or Thrud forbid, your dog
First make sure they consent
To a tumble in your tent
As it may turn out they wanted just a snog
Yes, playing hide the sausage may sound fun
Or horizontal dancing all night long
But if you make the two-backed beast
You could well end up deceased
And never again be able to get it on.
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