Oh the Angst!
At medical school some years ago,
There was a student, don'cha know
He said that "fixing bones is dull
"Dull and boring, its all been done!
"I'll make my name in psychology
"And neurological chemistry
"To cure ills of unsettled minds
"I'll work wonders, I think you'll find"
"And I know the perfect candidates
"For adjustment of the mental state
"I know just who I must seek out
"The perfect study - I'll fix the Drow"
Chorus
"Inner turmoil banish-ed
"Angst and torment, you'll forget
"I'm here to help, oh yes indeed
"And I get to charge a hefty fee!"
To the underdark he made his way
Down in the black and murky grey
He found a male drow armoured up
Sobbing in a mead-filled cup
For he'd been beaten as a child
By a matron from a House most vile
The shrink he rubbed his hands in glee
"I can fix this easily!"
He told him straight "get over it!
"You whining little whinging git"
The shrink he seemed quite mystified
When he got smacked right in the eye.
Chorus
He carried on his turmoil quest
To lift angst from the heavy chest
He found a priestess angrily
Bemoaning all her family
And how they'd loved her sister more
But made her sleep upon the floor
The shrink said "well now, don't forget
"Its your own fault that you're so wet!"
He told her straight "get over it!
"You whining little whinging git"
The shrink he couldn't understand
Why she stabbed him in the hand
Chorus
A drider next the chap encountered
And now he struggled yes he floundered
The problem was quite quizzical
For its pain was partly physical
But it moaned and whined like all the rest
The shrink, (because he was the best)
Concluded after thinking hard
"With the same brush they must be tarred!"
He told him straight "get over it!
"You whining little whinging git"
The shrink could not make head nor tail
Why the drider made to impale.
Chorus
A Demon lurked in the underdark
Carapace shiny and spiky-sharp
But angst-free demons are quite rare
And this one had anguish to spare
He'd lost a chum, oh way back when
And claimed he'd never love again
The shrink thought long and he thought deep
"I hate to see a pit fiend weep"
So he told him straight "get over it!
"You whining fucker, winging git
The demon looked quite unimpressed
But didn't eat him, he was too depressed.
Chorus
The shrink was challenged by the gribbly
He couldn't stop him feeling wibbly
They talked and talked, eventually
The Shrink tried a different therapy
A cuddle sometimes can work wonders
But it was the last in the line of blunders
The creatures spikes were sharp and fey
And the shrink saw things a different way
His heart was heavy, he cared no more
He sank down bawling on the floor
The demon venom was very strong
And the shrink was 'special' before too long.
Chorus
So the moral friends, is quite clear
Don't try to bring the dark elves cheer
Your efforts are not just wasted
They're liable to get you pasted
They're just depressed, and sometimes 'gifted'
Their sprits just will not be lifted
Fun is for the surface elves
Down here they'd rather kill themselves
You know they'll not get over it
But will stay moody winging gits
Who moan about their mental state
And how they've all been cursed by fate
Chorus2:
Happy thoughts get banish-ed
Good times, fun, you will forget
Its no surprise they feel that way
They're grouchy, cos they miss the day.
All Works are © Original Author
(OC Author - Jez Lawrence)