Thrud Went Amblin'
Thrud went amblin' down the pub, O-e-oh
Out popped a man wi'a great big club O-e-Oh
Thrud he looked him in the eye,
Kicked his nuts up to the sky,
And Thrud continued down the pub O-e-oh
Thrud continued down the pub O-e-oh
Thrud walked in through t'Armpit's door O-e-oh
Stepped over t'bodies lying on the floor O-e-oh
Said 'Mines a pint, and pack o'crisps
'And a place to put me pointy stick!'
He sat down comfy in the corner, O-e-oh
By the fire where it were warmer, O-e-oh
A stranger walked up to where he sat O-e-oh
Said 'hello!' and tipped his hat, O-e-oh
Well he caught Thrud by surprise
And got cleaved from neck to thighs
'Oops' said Thrud, 'sorry 'bout that' O-e-oh
'Sorry!' said Thrud, 'din't mean t'do that!' O-e-oh
Well Thrud got barred from the Pub O-e-oh
Because the blood did stain the wood O-e-oh
He promised he'd try to clean it up
But the landlord didn't give a f*ck
And threw Thrud out into the mud O-e-oh
He landed wi'a muffled thud, O-e-oh
Thrud was miffed, O yes its true O-e-oh
But he couldn't cut the man in two O-e-oh
Because it was his favorite place
To get sloshed and fall on his face
So he went to see what he could do, O-e-oh
Off he went to see what he could do, O-e-oh
He travelled far he travelled wide O-e-oh
He battled hordes and more besides O-e-oh
Eventually he found a place
Where they brewed beer with a stunning taste
But he could not get inside O-e-oh
They'd seen him coming and locked up tight, O-e-oh
Thrud thought that weren't very nice O-e-oh
He asked em once he asked em twice O-e-oh
'Oh go on, let me in', he asked
They refused, he said 'Kiss my Axe!
'Kicked in the door and went inside O-e-oh
There was no place for them to hide, O-e-oh
They all ran screaming yes indeed O-e-oh
Cos Thrud was indeedly peeved O-e-oh
He kicked some arse and acted mean
Till they gave him the recipe
Then off he went, quite happily O-e-oh
To brew some beer and drink some mead, O-e-oh
Thrud fought his way back to the pub, O-e-oh
Through hail and sleet and snow and mud O-e-oh
He fought Wolves and he fought Bears
He fought when there were no-one there
And he knocked on t'door o't'pub O-e-oh
He rapped hard on t'door o't'pub, O-e-oh
T'landlord opened t'door a crack, O-e-oh
Said 'what do y'think you're doing back?' O-e-oh
Thrud said 'well, I got y'this
It'll get yer punters really pissed,
Any chance of a little snack?', O-e-oh
'Just a pint an' a toasted snack?' O-e-Oh
The landlord said 'oh go on then O-e-oh
'But don't you hack up no more men O-e-oh
'If I so much as see yer axe'
There will be no coming back'
And Thrud nodded his great thick head O-e-oh
Thrud he nodded his great thick head O-e-oh
Well t'Hobbits Armpit became famed O-e-oh
For the beer wi'the stunning taste O-e-oh
And Thrud he drank till he couldn't stand
And he didn't kill another man
At least not while he were in the place O-e-oh
Not while he were in the place, O-e-oh
Thrud went amblin' home again O-e-oh
And he bumped into a bunch of men O-e-oh
I guess they must have been quite bright
They shat themselves and then took flight
And Thrud got safely home again O-e-oh
And passed out cold upon his bed.
All Works are © Original Author
(OC Author - Jez Lawrence)